Early November morning (memory unpinned) Lancashire Mode.

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Beautiful Poems: 95. Al-Badi’ – Unexpected Wonder

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Upstairs a head

I left them for a couple of days...the garden is looking even better now than it did before Andy messed it up.I think he is probably quite good at what he does.It's 3am now and no-one is awake.The hallways have been swept and polished I wonder who did that.Saves me on the cleaning bill.I don't want to disturb anyone so I just quietly look in on them.Andy is in bed with his arm around a garden rake...Strange but not unheard of,Pieter is sitting in a chair with a glass of Vodka in his right hand and snoring in time to the kitchen clock which is on his lap.Desdemona is atop her bed dressed in a tutu and black ballet shoes, in her ham sized left hand she is clutching a wand with a seven pointed star atop.What the hell does she dream of..I must ask.I look in on Father and Father Father is kneeling before the fireplace hands in prayer.eyes closed but I can see his lips moving..I can also see a pile of collection plates and piles of money on the table both notes and coins..Flippin nice if I get raided by the clerical cops.Lastly I look in on Martha and as I guessed she doesn't disappoint almost naked just wearing enough to cover her modesty and asleep on top of the duvet.I stand a while(an hour or so) just to make sure she doesn't roll over and fall off.Mmmm.Another cold shower beckons.Next visit soon or even sooner if soon doesn't come soon enough.

Andy the garden destroyer.

Nathaniel the old gardener would cry if he could see the garden now..(of course he could never see the garden because he was blind) I popped in last night to see if all was well,It was quiet so quiet.So I padded around for a while then found them all in the garden or what I used to call the garden.It's gone, tarmac and cobbles have replaced what was my pride and joy.And that dozy pillock Andy stood with a grin like a cheshire cat saying "Good innit".Good you  flipping pile of manure you've destroyed it.He can't see what's wrong.So he is going to return it to how it was or I told him I would run over him several times with his motormower.24 hours and I'll be back.The others seem stunned I am so upset I hardly noticed Martha has the shortest of short Baby doll nighties on and being so upset I hardly noticed at all how deliciously shaped her long slender legs are or how the curves of her breasts push against the fabric of her nightwear.the way the light shimmies off her painted nails,no I am so upset I hardly noticed that at all and it took twenty minutes to hardly not notice that.I will be back.Must have a cold shower.

The triumphal appearance.

21 minutes after nine one day late and a bloody great smile on her face..Mmmmm...Mmmmmm Oops did I just Mmmm out loud ?sorry, My lord she is a looker a gas fired cooker.I let her in and now we begin I know and she has always known this day will come I show her to room number one and I have to leave for fear of shaming myself also a slight fear that Mad Maria may be watching.The day next day is another day.I can't wait.

Pieter

And only now he turns up,Like I really care I was only waiting for Martha but that's always the story with beautiful looking women you just have to wait.Make no mistake I gave the two of them 4 hours to arrive 4 hours ago and I swear if she isn't here in another 4 hours I shall seriously have to consider whether I can possibly give her more time...Bloomin' inconsiderate that's what I call it.My good friend Chumley Warner would not like this situation.However Pieter has arrived cricket bag tucked under his arm like a set of bagpipes and a big hessian sack in which I assume he carries his possessions ,Strange ,Most people I know use bin liners,Well I've let him in but I just had to tick him off and tell him the importance of Punctual timekeeping,He just gave me a vacant look I do hope he is not on Medication that was not mentioned in his CV.Time will tell anyway sod him where's the nice looking girl (he says pretending not to look out of the window)..Later folks...

Andy.

Ha,So the gardener arrives with a hand or two filled with profuse apologies.It seems he had to hitch a lift to London from somewhere up North ( a bit cagey on saying exactly where) and as he has two hands on one arm it appears he was thumbing with the wrong hand and ended up two hundred miles further North before he realised.(no i don't believe it either) room number three for him.He starts work this afternoon the grass needs cutting the hedges,well you know how gardens grow and grow.No sign and not a word from the other two if I do not hear from them in the next four hours they are out before they even got in.And shut that bloody trombone up it's giving me a headache.

Even later non arrival.

I am now seriously miffed .No phone calls no messages and three tenants missing and to make matters worse that dimmo upstairs is playing his trombone,If he isn't careful I'll show him a tune on it not to be repeated.I shall keep you updated but I think this is  a late one.

Late Arrivals

Well what did I expect?military precision.I don't care about Pieter or Andy but where the hell is Martha?She is the rabbit to catch the hares...( and i would not mind being a hair tickling her back) thinks I said that to myself.
No sign of them.typical bleedin' madmen and women you just can't set your clock by em.When they arrive I shall let you know.

Arrival number two.

Desdemona has arrived in an old Singer chamois wow I have not seen a car like that since the last time I saw noddy on telly.How on earth did she manage to get in there...oh I see in and out through the roof. Well what the hell is she holding?Find out in the later posts...ps she gets room number 5.

Arrival.

Father...Father has arrived soaked to the cassocks with a big smile on his face and carrying a trombone.Oh Jeez.
He has asked me to pay the taxi for him he can kiss my holy communion And out from his cassock he pulls a collection plate full of coins and notes.This Father needs watching. So I have shown him room number 4 which he appears to like..A bloody good job because that's the room he is getting.I am leaving him because I hear a car pulling up outside

Residents

They will be arriving soon I can already see the dark clouds gathering and  hear the winds howling.Oh what joy...irony..Madness is such a mad thing.Catch you later with news.

Occupation

.Well I made my choice or the choice was made.The new occupants are, In no particular order because we don't want fights later on are...

1 A defrocked yet still wearing a frock Priest.Goes by the name of Father yes it could have been a longer name but that's all he said.When I told him he was moving in he blessed me and gave me a tin of sardines in chilli pepper sauce.

2.Martha felicia atumbe.Well there is always a good looking girl in my head and she was and is good looking,whew.She came to the interview in a grey pencil skirt and crossed her legs I was like cheese in a fondue melting.She moves in to room number one,

3.Andy the Gardener,One arm two hands..Don't ask I can't understand either but he came with his own motor mower and has promised..Scouts honour to fit a silencer to it..

4.Pieter who is Foreign I think.Well his English is atrocious and I'm dying to find out what he carries in that crickt bag.I will be so disappointed if it's only balls.

5. Desdemona oh yes definitely a strong woman fists like ham shanks.A voice like a drill Sargeant I think I'll like her.

Right they all move in at 2pm tomorrow.There is still one room vacant so enquiries please to me.Also a part time cleaner needed to clean up after them 4 hours a week.

Time now to take my medication and put the final touches to Marthas room.No favouratism you understand just a few chocolates a bunch or two of roses you know that kind of thing.
Check back in to see how they settle in...See you soon .

Applicants for Housing.

1... Don't like him
2...Don't like her
3...Don't like him or it could be her.
4...He came in carrying a boiled egg in his hand and wearing a deerstalker.Put him in the possible pile.
5...She is a cert.not going to let her know yet..play it like ice.cool.nice ass..trokan coat..hmmm.
6...Sooner have Monty python than this wannabe Snake charmer.
7...Ah a gardener with hands as gnarled as a trees trunk only one arm though..a possible.


Seven applicants.. One a definite and two possibles...comeon must be loads of you waiting to live in my head..I'm waiting..Several places left..Apply now.

They all left home.

You may think they were never there at all but how wrong you would be..It has taken me weeks to clear up the mess they left behind.I wonder what will become of Mad Maria,Nathaniel spence and co..hey ho I have been approached by several different people who wish to take up residence in the now vacated rooms in my head..but really I'm looking for a keen gardener first as the flower patch is quite messy and overgrown if you know of one let me know.Sadly I take the final knitting needle out of my ear,Marias parting gift.and settle down to sift through the applications..No mad people this time,well maybe just one or two..See you soon J.

Thames Project 2

Morecambe Bay - A poem by Jsirony

SILENT FOOTSTEPS

I have not been very well recently and now I know that when I'm not well the people in my head are also not well.That is a hell of a price to pay for keeping them quiet.I have just gone into my head wearing carpet slippers,They all seem to be asleep it must be some sort of time delay effect,The sickness leaves me but does not leave them until a while after.Mad Maria is as usual naked on the top of her bed,I think she does it on purpose but oh my Lord she is quite beautiful and I stand for a few hours drinking in her nakedness,Nathaniel is sat by the tree.If he is blind why does he close his eyes when he sleeps?.I must remember to ask him about that later.Tiptoe Tiptoe Spence is sleeping it makes a change because he is usually masturbating,No that is not right he is always masturbating.He is moaning in his sleep I wonder if they are all getting ready to wake up?.Monica is laying next to a brace of riding crops and something really fright making I wouldn't want that anywhere near me.I'm leaving now but I just have to pinch that pair of pink knickers on Mad Marias bedsidetable,And then I must forget I did it or she will know...More soon

ECHO LOCATION

I went up there at about three this morning because I thought Mad Maria was still kicking off but as I entered her room she was laying naked on her bed,Well I had a quick glance for twenty minutes but as I was leaving she said keep them lewd thoughts in your pants!.F*ck me even in her sleep she knows what I'm thinking.Where is that crazy noise coming from it sounds just like Mad Marias knitting needles.Then I find it and I can't believe what I'm seeing,Blind Nathaniel is in his garden and he is planting bulbs,I have often wondered how he manages to put his flowers in such straight lines now I know,The mad clicking noise is coming from his mouth,He is using echo location to plant the bulbs in a straight line.He reminds me of a bat.This is nuts.if he had asked me I would have planted them for him.I leave quietly I don't think he even knows I've been here.On the way out I see Mrs Thursday, the 1960s sitcom woman stood in the corner leaning on a mop with a capstan full strength cigarette hanging from her lips,Somehow it doesn't suprise me.This is one crazy place.I pass by spences room on the way out and spence is doing what he always does but I don't disturb him,Actually even when I disturb him it doesn't disturb him,But more about spence at another time.I took the long way to get out because I wanted to make sure Mad Maria hadn't fallen out of bed and she hadn't so I stayed another ten minutes just in case she did as I leave she says Had a GOOD LOOK DID YOU? I say yes thankyou then run because I can hear her getting off the bed.More soon................

The Chain Lady

She only ever appears when spence kicks off and you haven't met spence yet,Don't worry you will.The chain Lady is a very diminutive Woman but she has a voice that could shatter steel.I think her Father was an old Soldier or a Town Crier........................
This was written last week before my mothers eightieth birthday party,I didn't even think to invite any of those that live in my head to the party,,,Big Mistake.
I came back to London yesterday and last night thought I would pop upstairs so to speak for a ramble around my head..The moment I stepped in I went straight to silent running,Periscope depth it looks like all hell has broken loose up here.Smashed windows broken doors and unravelled Tea cosies every where.Oh F*ck I'm getting out of here.Yes I know it's cowardly but I'm certain I will live a bit longer if no-one sees me today.I can hear Mad Maria in the distance she don't sound to happy and Monica the dominatrix is making music with her whips.Sh*t I'm outa here now .I will return when it gets quieter.Stay tuned.

JERRY...ANOTHER IN MY HEAD.

I was rambling about in my head as one does,When I noticed this rather beautiful woman lounging on a sunbed in one of the rooms up there.Of course I stopped and poked my head in through the door.She was wearing a white Basque with Tartan checked tights!Her eyes were Sri Lankan Saphire blue,Her hair golden I became stapled to the door,I tried to feign disinterest but my body betrayed me(still it`s nice to know that the fire still burns.)On the walls in the room were hundreds of pictures of horses and stood menacingly in a corner was a riding crop( Why do fantasies all come at once?.) I was about to speak when a knitting needle poked through my ear..Oh God Mad Maria is awake and she knows everything I think...She screamed " Get back to the computer,Before I have to shoot her".Mad Maria is so possessive,So I leave quickly..I wonder if Mad Maria goes away on holiday?.Memo to self ( must find out).

MAD MARIA .ONE OF THEM THAT LIVE IN MY HEAD

I went to bed at midnight last night having been up for the past eighteen hours and was looking forward to at least a modicum of sleep,Did I get it.No NO No.Mad Maria went into a massive rant at about two this morning and all because I introduced you to Nathaniel first.Anyway a bit of a look at Mad Maria.
She is a beautiful West Indian Lady who could be thirty or even fifty years old and she sits and knits Tea cosies  from her Dreadlocks which I think is a bit strange but hey who am I?She uses I think number nine knitting needles which appear to be made of stainless steel.I think I might be in love with her.
However at two a.m.I stand inside my head talking to Maria and asking her what else troubles her,She looks so damned attractive and I find my mind wandering into the "what if" zone then I realise she knows what i`m thinking.Oh God does she know everything? All my fantasies?Secrets? Yes I can see that knowing smile and I dash off to press the delete button.to late she shouts it`s all ROM,Grant Burford why did you ever teach me computer skills and the mercenary in me asks Did you charge Mad Maria for learning along side of me?.I digress and in doing so catch a glimpse of a hint of a shadow of Marias breast as she marches up and down her room and my mind goes into fantasy mode but she knows .Jesus can I never dream of her again ?Will she always know?Some of the things i`ve dreamt are not suitable to be put out on a blog,Should I be ashamed?I look into her eyes via her breasts and I see just a twinkle of the dawn of the promise of what tomorrow may bring and I feel better.
In the meantime she is jabbing me with her number nines and saying keep your clothes on when you fantasise about me and I don`t look like you think I look naked I look even better all she is doing now is teasing giving me more food for thought which I must not think or she will know. i am beginning to think that Mad Maria is ever so slightly devious and I still think I love her.She quietens and I slink off thinking what would her dreadlocks look like spread across my pillow?I hear her shout "you may never find out" Maria can be so cutting.I`m going to be calling on her again real soon.

THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY HEAD.. NUMBER ONE.

Number one is Nathaniel an old ,old man who was even old when time was young.He is a blind gardener,Though his lack of sight does not seem to be a handicap to him.I visit him quite often and have done for years.I have never actually seen him gardening but it must be him no one else is there,In all the years I have known him he has never once spoken to me until a few weeks ago...As usual he was sat on the battered stub of a once giant tree and his elbows leaned elderly upon the scarred old trunk of a table that once stood polished and proud.One day in the summer I just had to say "Nathaniel you grow such wonderful roses,What can I grow"? He looked at me through those icy white sightless eyes and said in a dreadful menace of a voice..............."OLD".I will take Nathaniel Bergamot tea the next time I visit which will not be for a while.
Watch out for Number Two in my head...Coming soon

ACCIDENTAL DEARTH...

SMASH
CRASH
COLLISION
THE FUTURE
THE PRESENT
TTHE PAST
ALL KNITTED TOGETHER
IN SOME MAD PARISIAN CAST
THE NUCLEAR BLAST
THE BEGINNING OF TIME
THE TIME THAT IS MINE
THE SPIRIT REBORN
AND LIKE A SHEEP TO BE SHORN
I FIGHT AND I GROWL
I SWEAR AND I HOWL
GET AWAY FROM THIS SOUL
LEAVE ME SAFE IN MY HOLE
BUT MY WHOLE ISN`T RIGHT
MY BODY FEELS TIGHT
I`M TO TIRED TO TAKE FLIGHT
SO I STEP INTO THE LIGHT
AND I CAN SMELL
A NEW SMELL
SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT TO THE HELL
I HAD BEEN LOCKED IN FOR YEARS
WHERE THE ANGRY LOOKS SEARED
THE FLESH FROM MY BONES
THE WORDS IN THE TOMES
SPOKE VOLUMES
YET SILENT THEY SEEMED.
AND AS THE DAYS LEANED
INTO TORMENTED WEEKS
THE VULTURES ARRIVED
AND WITH SHARPENING BEAKS
ATE MY INSIDES FROM OUT
AN INTERMINABLE BOUT
BUT THE DAY THE BLAST CAME
WAS THE SAME.
LIKE MANY OTHERS
A DRUG BINGE FOR BREAKFAST
THEN OUT ROBBING MY BROTHERS
TILL FLUNG TO THE FLOOR
LIKE SOME UNFORTUNATE WHORE
I WAS ROCKED TO THE CORE
REVEALED
WAS THE LORE
THE MYTH OF THIS BEAST
THE MOST OF THE LEAST
THEN I REALISED I KNEW
THAT THIS WAS MY CUE
IT TOOK ME SO LONG
I WENT SO TERRIBLY WRONG.
I`M SORRY.