Lyndsey Davies - Furness Charity Stars Contestant 2014 - 2015

We're Daft And We Know It

Early November morning (memory unpinned) Lancashire Mode.

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Upstairs a head

I left them for a couple of days...the garden is looking even better now than it did before Andy messed it up.I think he is probably quite good at what he does.It's 3am now and no-one is awake.The hallways have been swept and polished I wonder who did that.Saves me on the cleaning bill.I don't want to disturb anyone so I just quietly look in on them.Andy is in bed with his arm around a garden rake...Strange but not unheard of,Pieter is sitting in a chair with a glass of Vodka in his right hand and snoring in time to the kitchen clock which is on his lap.Desdemona is atop her bed dressed in a tutu and black ballet shoes, in her ham sized left hand she is clutching a wand with a seven pointed star atop.What the hell does she dream of..I must ask.I look in on Father and Father Father is kneeling before the fireplace hands in prayer.eyes closed but I can see his lips moving..I can also see a pile of collection plates and piles of money on the table both notes and coins..Flippin nice if I get raided by the clerical cops.Lastly I look in on Martha and as I guessed she doesn't disappoint almost naked just wearing enough to cover her modesty and asleep on top of the duvet.I stand a while(an hour or so) just to make sure she doesn't roll over and fall off.Mmmm.Another cold shower beckons.Next visit soon or even sooner if soon doesn't come soon enough.

Andy the garden destroyer.

Nathaniel the old gardener would cry if he could see the garden now..(of course he could never see the garden because he was blind) I popped in last night to see if all was well,It was quiet so quiet.So I padded around for a while then found them all in the garden or what I used to call the garden.It's gone, tarmac and cobbles have replaced what was my pride and joy.And that dozy pillock Andy stood with a grin like a cheshire cat saying "Good innit".Good you  flipping pile of manure you've destroyed it.He can't see what's wrong.So he is going to return it to how it was or I told him I would run over him several times with his motormower.24 hours and I'll be back.The others seem stunned I am so upset I hardly noticed Martha has the shortest of short Baby doll nighties on and being so upset I hardly noticed at all how deliciously shaped her long slender legs are or how the curves of her breasts push against the fabric of her nightwear.the way the light shimmies off her painted nails,no I am so upset I hardly noticed that at all and it took twenty minutes to hardly not notice that.I will be back.Must have a cold shower.